Top Five Reasons Some Church People Refuse to Apologize

When someone in the church has been wronged, oftentimes churches tell them to just forgive and move on, but this is not God’s way. God tells us to confront them to reconcile. However, many times our church people refuse to apologize. I have seen these actions play out many times and it is shocking. It is a terrible stronghold causing the body of Christ to think they are connected, but they are not. People stop fellowshipping and give fake smiles. Perhaps they think they are innocent of the sin that they’ve been accused, but if anyone feels they are innocent, they should still apologize with humility knowing that their accuser felt wronged in the first place to genuinely seek repair. Nevertheless, most often some church people refuse to apologize because of these top five reasons:

1. Pride: Prideful people cannot humble themselves. Saul did this to David. David was innocent, but Saul continued to hate him. Saul even apologized to David when David confronted him, but still, Saul fell back into hating him because he was jealous. He hated that the people liked David more than him because David slew Goliath and it hurt Saul’s pride because he also feared the loss of power. Read more about this saga in the book of 1 Samuel.

“And the women answered one another as they played, and said, ‘Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.’ [8] And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, ‘They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? ‘ [9] And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.” ~1 Samuel 18:7-9 KJV

2. False Peacemaker: These Christians tend to switch the blame instead of taking responsibility. This causes strife. Paul fervently urged Euodias and Syntyche to have the same mind in the Lord, which shows us that one or both of them were resisting God’s process to find humility and make repairs. However, repair can prove difficult when one person continues to avoid conflict. If they sat together to seek out the truth, they would grow. Instead, they say ‘Let’s agree to disagree.” That means, “Let remain disagreeable.”

I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. ~Philippians 4:2 KJV

3. UnChristian: They call themselves Christians, but they don’t care what the God requires. They blaspheme and move on in their freedom of thought. These people have a problem with taking God literally because they don’t see that He is a literal God and that Bible stories are historical records. If they do believe, false doctrines do not help and add to their confusion. Calling themselves “sinners,” instead of standing for sainthood, supports their excuses to commit adultery, watch porn, curse, or remain undisciplined.

[2] For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, [3] Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, [4] Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; [5] Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. [6] For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, [7] Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. [8] Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. ~2 Timothy 3:2-8 KJV

4. Blind: Spiritually blind people cannot see their faults and they do not understand the Word of God. Jesus tells us that the reason for their blindness is that they are filled with their own beliefs rather than God’s Word. Although these people embrace sainthood, they still miss the mark. For example, they may read the word and seek God through prayer and petition. However, God told the prophet, Isaiah, “Cry aloud. Spare not. Lift up your voice like a trumpet and show My people their transgressions and the house of Jacob their sins.” These worshippers of God were blind. They failed miserably to connect with God because they didn’t do merciful justice, right judgment, and charity for others, which– if neglected– are abominations most discussed in the Bible.

5. Hard-hearted: These people do not wish to reconcile because it is too much work for them. They generally don’t care and lack empathy. This is the whole reason for God’s commandments from the beginning. The heart must change and seek to love. King David said, “Create in me a new heart…” A new heart is created when the right interpretation of God’s word is planted firmly in it. Loving God and loving others means sacrifice and these people are unwilling to sacrifice themselves.

“Those by the way side are they that hear; then cometh the devil, and taketh away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved. ~Luke 8:12 KJV”

If anyone in the church body comes to you and says, “I have something against you,” it would be wise to hear them and then swiftly, with the genuine intent to remain friends (not acquaintances, not frienemies), apologize and repent of it. Sometimes reconciliation doesn’t require an accusation. It simply requires a spirit that does not throw false accusations, spun facts, and cruelty because of an assumption.

Be reconciled because that is what it has been all about from the beginning; learn to love God and learn to love one another because only those who are willing to reconcile and continue in love will spend eternity with the Lord.