“… If He Be Pleased To Dwell With You…”
Abusive men are not allowed. Even in the church, strikers, drinkers, and brawlers, men who covet things and money, and men who have had more than one wife are unapproved as elders to lead because it also makes a statement about their immaturity and about how they rule their homes. They must be blameless, meaning that they do not have a bad report by someone.
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;  Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; …” ~1 Timothy 3:2-3 KJV
For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;…~Titus 1:7 KJV
For the home life, there are similar rules for the husband. Men must “love their wives” and “be pleased to dwell with them.” Sometimes churches completely miss the statements about dwelling in the scriptures (I explain below in the “Wicked Unbeliever” section), therefore Christian women in times past have lost their lives by trying to “stand by their man.”
Some also use the scriptures incorrectly by saying that the unbelieving “may be won” by the believing wife through her gentle and quiet spirit. However, the scriptures say first that these wives, who are accountable to their own husband, have gentle, chaste, God-fearing conversations in front of their husband, who is not obeying the Word, and they observe their wife’s meek and quiet spirit as a bonus. Therefore, we see that the wife may win the unbelieving husband when he observes and overhears her God-fearing conversations with the other godly wives, without the Bible being opened up and presented directly to him. Notice that in the scripture below, a wife should subject herself so that if her husband is not obeying the Word of God, he might be won over.
 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives;  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. ~1 Peter 3:1-4 KJV
 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.~1 Peter 3:5-6 KJV
Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also? “ ~Genesis 18:12 KJV
Here we see the manner of Sarah and her subjection, or yielding to the authority, of her husband. We are her daughters if we are not afraid with any amazement (on the subject of subjection).
The Wicked Unbeliever
It is often assumed that unbelieving men are angry, abusive tyrants. Yet, this is false because there are also unbelieving men who are loving and very pleased to dwell with their own wife. Paul suggests, but not the Lord, that if it pleases the unbelieving to dwell with their believing spouse, the believing spouse should remain with them.
The scriptures on dwelling:
 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. ~1 Corinthians 7:12-14 KJV
Therefore, when we read the words “let her not leave him,” it is under the circumstance of him being “pleased” to dwell with her. Paul was right in saying this because ultimately, we do hope to see people saved. Even so, because of this, we see the choice that if an unbelieving man is not pleased to dwell with his believing wife, she has the right to leave him by being in a separate place because of abuse.
This is a perfect example of how this woman suffered at the hands of a pastoral mistake. She had every right to come out from under her husband who was not “pleased to dwell with her.” If he was committing adultery, she had every right to divorce him. CREDIT: CNN
Through prayer and fasting, perhaps repentance will come. Otherwise, the abusive man will go his own way eventually.
 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases : but God hath called us to peace. ~1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV
 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. ~1 Peter 3:7 KJV
We also see that a man must honor his wife because she is the weaker vessel. Otherwise, his prayers will be hindered. In the marriage bond, the Lord does not desire for him to depart from her nor the woman to depart from her husband.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, “Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. ~1 Corinthians 7:10-11, KJV
So, let’s say a woman leaves (separates, without divorcing) because her husband has become an abusive or an addicted man. This type of man in many cases may not repent nor desire for the church to be involved (such as in the case of involving the church if one member sinned against another – Matthew 18:15-17, KJV). The sinning member who does not repent for that is regarded as a heathen or a publican (lawyer). We see in the above scriptures that for a man who does not receive the Word, a woman ought to first have God-fearing conversations in front of her unbelieving spouse. Then, we see that if the unbelieving spouse is not pleased to dwell with her, she can leave him (but not divorce and not for the intent of casting him away because she does hope the best for his salvation, healing, and hope for their marriage.) Reconciliation begins with true repentance by the spouse who has committed the crimes so that the waiting spouse can return.
Jesus tells us that the only exception as a cause for divorce is fornication, which makes sense because the spouse has broken the vow to be united in the flesh with their beloved only. Furthermore, the other exception for remarriage is if the spouse dies.
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth: but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. ~1 Corinthians 7:39 KJV
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