Volunteering to Grovel

How do you know if your submission becomes idolatry? Now some women take the matter of obedience to another level. They combine being a keeper at home as obedience to their husband, and headcovering as submission to their husband, and they end up running to submit to his every whim while adding a mindlessness to it. Most husbands don’t marry and fall in love with their wives as slaves or robots, rather they usually fall in love with their intellect. We can see this through our biblical mother, Sarah, that although she made her mistakes, she certainly had a say in her relationship with Abraham and our father Abraham was not a controlling husband.

[9] And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. [10] Wherefore she said unto Abraham, “Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.” [11] And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight because of his son. [12] And God said unto Abraham, “Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.” ~Genesis 21:9-12 KJV

In addition, the Proverbs 31 woman is not a hindered woman either, but a woman who “considered a field and bought it.” Therefore, we see that women of God are not mindless and robotic, but fully capable of making decisions that matter.

Proper Submission

The scriptures tell us the reason for being keepers at home; it is so that the Word of God is not blasphemed. The scriptures tell us the reason for why we ought to cover our heads to pray or prophesy; it is to have power on our heads (by rejecting our man-given glory of hair and “because of the angels.”).  These are not done to be submissive to our husband. However, when we submit to our own husbands, honoring him as the spiritual head, the man-lord placed over us, and the stronger vessel—we are the helpmate. We do this in everything like we would to the Lord and as it is appropriate or suitable in the Lord, not making ourselves slaves who are bowing down to him as an idol or under the rule of devilish spirits. He is a man to be well and highly respected, not worshipped in replacement of God or to feel as though God is pleased with a woman worshipping her man.

So let’s dissect this scripture:

[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. ~ Ephesians 5:22, KJV

First, understand that there are many scriptures in the Bible that tell us to submit ourselves. Simply type in the word submit in your digital Bible and you will quickly see that we submit to God, one another, authorities, elders, etc. The word submit is to yield. We are not resisting, but we are agreeable. In the same way, we submit to our own husband by yielding to him; trusting his authority just like we would to the Lord with all honor.

[23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. ~ Ephesians 5:23, KJV

In this scripture, a comparison is being made about headship. Be careful not to interpret this to mean that a wife’s husband becomes her savior, but rather one’s husband has a vested interest in looking out for her.

[24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. ~Ephesians 5:24 KJV

Finally, we see that wives-to-their-husbands are like the church-is-to-Christ. We rely on Christ. We look to Christ. We trust in Christ. Similarly, we commit ourselves to our own husband’s authority in all his requests. This is respect.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. ~Colossians 3:18 KJV

One might read this scripture and feel as though God is demanding that women worship their husband, but worship is not the command here. Submitting and accountability is the command and there is a difference. Furthermore, the word as, from the phrase “as it is fit” means both “to the same degree as” and “because of.” Therefore, we can accept both definitions, which means that women submit “because it is suitable in the Lord” and women submit “to the same degree of what is appropriate in the Lord.” (Keep this in mind as you read about the subject of dwelling and the cause for divorce.) In other words, we also can compare the “in the Lord” to the child-to-parent command where the children “obey their parents in the Lord.” (e.g. If a parent says to a child, “Son, rob this bank” or “Daughter, shoot a man who breaks into our home,” these actions are not “in the Lord.”) Therefore, as women, we submit to our own husband under the same understanding; as it is fit in the Lord, rather than under circumstances that are the works of the devil, and also we submit because it is good.

[29] Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” ~Acts 5:29 KJV

[19] For ye suffer fools gladly, seeing ye yourselves are wise. [20] For ye suffer, if a man bring you into bondage, if a man devour you , if a man take of you , if a man exalt himself, if a man smite you on the face. ~2 Corinthians 11:19-20 KJV [Referencing submitting to unrighteousness in support of ministers of unrighteousness]

The Lord did not set us free from bondage, only to put us back under bondage. Hence, under correct interpretation, as women, it is a great and honorable calling to be a helper to our own husband in everything, in which they desire our assistance, in the Lord. This is respectable and a duty. It is not worship or forced slavery. Otherwise, a person who truly believes that submission is a form of worship, forced slavery, or “robotic” obedience to their husband should respond the same way to everyone in the body of Christ.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. ~Ephesians 5:21 KJV

Therefore, we see that submitting is yielding in the fear of the Lord; the Greek word being hupotasso.  However, wives who demonstrate mind-control, support the doctrine of the unbeliever who already thinks we are “brain-washed” due to false interpretations of the scriptures.

Let Them Ask Their Husbands at Home

All Christians need to respect the sacredness of the church. In the manner of keeping it sacred, there are rules to abide by; one of them being that women should not speak in church. Paul was teaching about spiritual order in church one day and He said to the men, “If your women want to learn anything, let them ask their husband at home.” This sounds tough when reading it, but Paul was keeping the order of the assembly by telling the men that if their women want to learn anything (regarding the thing Paul was talking about), they need to ask their husband so that their husband would be responsible for answering any questions that their wife had. This way, women would not be speaking in the church to find out answers to their questions. So Paul wasn’t being a controlling tyrant, he was simply keeping church order. Think about it, if a woman should not speak in church, to keep things sacred, who does she talk to if she has questions? Well, her own husband who can communicate with other men in the church.

Let your women keep silence in the churches:  for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. [35] And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:  for it is a shame for women to speak in the church. [36] What? came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only? [37] If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord. [38] But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant. ~1 Corinthians 14:34-38 KJV

Are you sure you want to be ignorant about the commandment of the Lord?

Here’s another,

Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. [12]But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. ~1 Timothy 2:11-12 KJV

(Read more about this subject.)

“… If He Be Pleased To Dwell With You…”

Abusive men are not allowed. Even in the church, strikers, drinkers, and brawlers, men who covet things and money, and men who have had more than one wife are unapproved as elders to lead because it also makes a statement about their immaturity and about how they rule their homes.  They must be blameless, meaning that they do not have a bad report by someone.

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; [3] Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; …” ~1 Timothy 3:2-3 KJV

For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;…~Titus 1:7 KJV

For the home life, there are similar rules for the husband. Men must “love their wives” and “be pleased to dwell with them.” Sometimes churches completely miss the statements about dwelling in the scriptures (I explain below in the “Wicked Unbeliever” section), therefore Christian women in times past have lost their lives by trying to “stand by their man.”

Some also use the scriptures incorrectly by saying that the unbelieving “may be won” by the believing wife through her gentle and quiet spirit. However, the scriptures say first that these wives, who are accountable to their own husband, have gentle, chaste, God-fearing conversations in front of their husband, who is not obeying the Word, and they observe their wife’s meek and quiet spirit as a bonus. Therefore, we see that the wife may win the unbelieving husband when he observes and overhears her God-fearing conversations with the other godly wives, without the Bible being opened up and presented directly to him.  Notice that in the scripture below, a wife should subject herself so that if her husband is not obeying the Word of God, he might be won over.

[1] Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives; [2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. [3] Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; [4] But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. ~1 Peter 3:1-4 KJV

[5] For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: [6] Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.~1 Peter 3:5-6 KJV

Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also? “ ~Genesis 18:12 KJV

Here we see the manner of Sarah and her subjection, or yielding to the authority, of her husband. We are her daughters if we are not afraid with any amazement (on the subject of subjection).

The Wicked Unbeliever

It is often assumed that unbelieving men are angry, abusive tyrants. Yet, this is false because there are also unbelieving men who are loving and very pleased to dwell with their own wife. Paul suggests, but not the Lord, that if it pleases the unbelieving to dwell with their believing spouse, the believing spouse should remain with them.

The scriptures on dwelling:

[12] But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. [13] And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. [14] For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. ~1 Corinthians 7:12-14 KJV

Therefore, when we read the words “let her not leave him,” it is under the circumstance of him being “pleased” to dwell with her. Paul was right in saying this because ultimately, we do hope to see people saved.  Even so, because of this, we see the choice that if an unbelieving man is not pleased to dwell with his believing wife, she has the right to leave him by being in a separate place because of abuse.

This is a perfect example of how this woman suffered at the hands of a pastoral mistake. She had every right to come out from under her husband who was not “pleased to dwell with her.” If he was committing adultery, she had every right to divorce him. CREDIT: CNN

Through prayer and fasting, perhaps repentance will come. Otherwise, the abusive man will go his own way eventually.

[15] But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases : but God hath called us to peace. ~1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV

[7] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. ~1 Peter 3:7 KJV

We also see that a man must honor his wife because she is the weaker vessel. Otherwise, his prayers will be hindered. In the marriage bond, the Lord does not desire for him to depart from her nor the woman to depart from her husband.

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, “Let not the wife depart from her husband: [11]But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. ~1 Corinthians 7:10-11, KJV

So, let’s say a woman leaves (separates, without divorcing) because her husband has become an abusive or an addicted man.  This type of man in many cases may not repent nor desire for the church to be involved (such as in the case of involving the church if one member sinned against another – Matthew 18:15-17, KJV). The sinning member who does not repent for that is regarded as a heathen or a publican (lawyer).  We see in the above scriptures that for a man who does not receive the Word, a woman ought to first have God-fearing conversations in front of her unbelieving spouse. Then, we see that if the unbelieving spouse is not pleased to dwell with her, she can leave him (but not divorce and not for the intent of casting him away because she does hope the best for his salvation, healing, and hope for their marriage.)  Reconciliation begins with true repentance by the spouse who has committed the crimes so that the waiting spouse can return.

Jesus tells us that the only exception as a cause for divorce is fornication, which makes sense because the spouse has broken the vow to be united in the flesh with their beloved only.  Furthermore, the other exception for remarriage is if the spouse dies.

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth: but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. ~1 Corinthians 7:39 KJV

Cause for Divorce

Jesus tells us clearly that fornication is cause for divorce.

But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving 1 Greek means ‘except’   for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:  and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. ~Matthew 5:32 KJV

[11] And He saith unto them, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.” [12] And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. ~Mark 10:11-12 KJV

Adultery is the result of divorcing someone over differences.  Several points to note here:  Notice that the biblical definition shows that the spouse first puts the other spouse away; divorce. A person who divorces their spouse and then goes off to marry another, except due to fornication, causes their former spouse to become an adulterer.  Therefore, if the other divorced spouse remarries, their new spouse becomes an adulterer too.  Why does this happen?  It is because both original spouses violated the commandments:  If they loved God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, they would have obeyed His command to love their neighbor (spouse) as they loved themselves.  This is why they become guilty 2 Added clarity about why this happens on 6/13/2016 .  Heaven forbid that they divorce again and again over differences and keep the cycle going.  What a web of sin this can create, which is why Jesus warns people not to do it.  This is also why people should contend for their marriages under God particularly when fornication is not the reason3Sentence added 6/13/2016.

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like:  of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. ~Galatians 5:19-21 KJV

Therefore, assuming that this person has already been saved, one should ask, “Is remarrying another, after I’ve been divorced over differences, worth the loss of my salvation?”

Now we also see here that when one spouse is unfaithful by fornication, the innocent spouse has the right to divorce them.  This does not mean that a marriage must end, but if the cheating spouse doesn’t repent, then the hurting spouse can be sure that they will begin to reap what is being sown; strife, discord, and many other works of the flesh, plus STDs, pregnancies, generational curses and demonic strongholds upon the children, and perhaps murder. This is why it is a valid cause for divorce, not only of the great impact it can have on the lives of others, but because it is a sin against one’s own body which is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Remember also, the Lord says that “…to look with lust is committing adultery… .”

But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. ~Matthew 5:28 KJV

Therefore,  a person who also refuses to drop their porn or nude bars with repentance and fear of the Lord is committing adultery because they have imagined or committed acts of lasciviousness with someone else, which is an act of fornication against the spouse.  Jesus was not being light-hearted when He said that looking (or imagining, because it is within the heart) was the same as committing the physical act.  However, once again, we know that God desires for all men to be saved, therefore, divorce is a last resort.  Perhaps the spouse will repent.

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? ~1 Corinthians 7:16 KJV

Relations

Most women, due to hormonal changes and menstruation, have times when they are not ready and cannot have relations in the bedroom with their husband. The Word has an answer on how do deal with these matters.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4]The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5]Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. [6]But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. ~1 Corinthians 7:5, KJV

Fasting breaks strongholds, but some husbands are patient enough to not have to fast.  Knowing all these things that have been discussed above should encourage an unmarried person to choose their future spouse wisely and make sure that they are dedicated to God.

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. ~Colossians 3:19, KJV

He Doth Safely Trust in Her

Women must be careful that through their submission, they do not tempt their husband to come under an evil spirit that would cause them to become controlling. For instance, any woman who has ever been in an abusive or controlling relationship knows that a man like that begins to request hindering suggestions; such as the woman not visiting her friends or family because it would leave the man by himself. Because of the love she has for her man, this causes a woman to feel like she needs to protect her man or support his weaknesses because he is, in most cases, insecure. She will take up for him on this and even quietly remark to her friends that he is insecure, so through her support, she is feeding “the monster of insecurity.” That insecurity is really the beginning of abuse because a godly man who safely trusts in his wife doesn’t hinder her relationships, but a foolish man is weak and will manipulate his wife. Not realizing his sin, he will grow worse. It won’t be long before the wife is submitting in the fear (or worry or concern) of her husband by running around all day trying to please his vain requests in humble silence.

A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength. ~Proverbs 24:5, KJV

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. ~Proverbs 31:11, KJV